Ladies First

So many articles have been written about women and the LGBTs (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender) in which they are posed and highlighted as the most vulnerable sector on the issue of gender inequality, discrimination and other forms of abuse and violence. Several international and local declarations, conventions, treaties, protocols and laws were signed and enacted to promote the human rights and protect the susceptibilities of this so called defenseless sector.

Amidst the attention given to women as the center of gender inequality, I am raising a question as to why male discrimination is not that well recognized and is less talked when in fact this shadowed issue does exist and continue to shroud men’s lives.

It may not seem believable but the facts vividly show that there really are battered husbands. A poll undertaken in United Kingdom by MORI and commissioned by Here and Now had these main findings:

• 1 in 5 (18%) of men have been victims of domestic violence by a wife or female partner as opposed to 13% of women by a man.

• 1 in 9 women admit to having used physical aggression against a husband or male partner (compared to 1 in 10 men)

• 14% of men say that they have been slapped by a partner (compared to 9 % of women)

• 11% men have had a partner threaten to throw something heavy at them (compared to 8% of women)

• Only 4% of women explained that their behavior (either verbal or physical) was because of drink or drugs (compared to 10% of men)

• Nearly half (47%) of women say that their behavior (physical or verbal aggression or verbal reasoning) was because "it was the only way I could get through to him"

• Working class men (20%) are more likely to have been subjected to physical
aggression by a wife or female partner than upper or middle class men (15%)

Is there a men’s desk that would readily assist men in times of abuses? The answer is none. How about the male who are sexually abused in the workplace? Do these people have the nerve to report it to the police or to file a case against their female or gay offenders when the society believes and says that men are physically stronger than women? So much compassion and consideration before the law is given to female whores and less for call boys when in fact prostitution regardless of what sex is violation of human rights.

Persistently we see women who commit crimes get off scot free. This is especially true for mothers who have children. In some countries, what is completely erroneous is that a mother who kills her young baby is not held accountable for murder but the lesser crime of infanticide. This helps mothers but does nothing to protect the vulnerable children. By contrast there is never any sympathy for fathers with children who have equal care responsibilities and the judges show no concern for the feelings of the children who need their fathers.

Generally when women are convicted of killing their husbands they receive an average sentence of only 6 years, while male spousal killers got 17 years. In most cases of spousal murders were males are victims, female killers often claims self-defense. Where is gender fairness in justice? I thought everyone is equal before the law?

Screening programs are provided by the government for women related cancers such as breast and cervical cancer. However, there is no screening of analogous cancers affecting men such as prostate and testicular cancer. This is very unfair since deaths from prostate cancer are almost as high as deaths from breast cancer and 6.7 times higher than deaths from cervical cancer. The partiality is further skewed because research spending is in favor of women cancers. Have we not realized that being the major provider of the family men are also the major tax payers of the government yet no consideration is given to their health?

Another thing, women would always assert that men do not get pregnant, have no menstrual problems or do not nurse babies but come to think of it, circumcision of females has been against the law and norm in most countries however circumcision of males is still widely practiced. Men have to continually cover the posts of women while they are on maternity leave while getting no extra leave when their wives have babies.

Family courts have a powerful prejudice of awarding custody to the mothers in majority of the cases regardless of her behavior or of her financial capability to support and care for the children. An unmarried man cannot apply for a passport for a child except he has the permission of the mother. This means that an unmarried father is incapable to take his own children on any foreign land. A mother does not need the father’s consent to apply for a passport since nationality for children of unmarried parents is via the mother.

If a child resides only with one parent and the other parent has restricted visiting rights then a psychological dilemma called parental alienation occurs where the children are turned against the other parent. Since children are awarded custody to the mothers in most of the cases then the alienation is mostly against fathers.

Many studies have found that that the presence of the biological father is a potent protector against delinquency. Children who grow up without their biological fathers have poor performance at school. The issue here is one of status and total control since the children are the automatic passport to benefits. Mother-custody is often a misnomer since the children are very often left with a child-minder or with relatives. This is often the case even when the biological father is available and willing to care for the children.

When men seduce women it could be an act of lasciviousness punishable by law while when women seduce men it’s viewed as something favorable to men. A simple stare, hand gesture or a whistle can put a man behind bars while there is no law provided for pamimikot of infatuated and desperada women. These obsessed women use their pregnancy to lure men into forced marriage.

The society condemns pedophilia and DOM (dirty old man) but less denouncement is given to the matronas who are old women engaging in sex with younger men who are usually sex workers.

Even secretarial jobs are exclusive for females. Does this mean only female can make a good coffee, arrange a meeting, organize an event, reserve an airline flight, or make a good PowerPoint presentation?

When man fails to offer a woman a seat inside a bus or a train, he is labeled as uneducated, uncivilized and uncultured. I thought women have long been asking and fighting for equality? Is it not the price of it? The price to suffer the discomforts that men also suffers just because all are equal. In a modern world where equality is a constant struggle is chivalry still worthy of practice?

Women in rural areas would always complain that their families deprive them of having education since they are just expected to marry and be wives in their community. But what about those farmers and fishermen who deprives their sons with education on the notion that they will just inherit their fathers’ carabaos and boats and be like them?

When good looking male is single, with plucked eyebrows, polished nails, powdered face and glossy lips, they are readily tagged as gays and bisexuals. Have we forgotten that we are now living in an era when male now wears skinny jeans and has kikay kit? When two female are holding hands in public their act is interpreted as something normal and that they are just best of friends. However, seeing two gorgeous males having a meal or watching a movie, they are maliciously and easily branded as lovers. This is very true in showbiz where famous actors are always in the headlines for their alleged hidden identities. Isn’t it discrimination against men?

In most schools, male does not have the right to grow hair because the society believes that it so untidy and scruffy for male to have long hairs. So does it mean female with short hairs are also untidy and scruffy? Men are reprimanded from wearing earrings because the customs dictates that only women wear earrings when in fact so many tribes in the country and in the world show men wearing earrings as part of their culture. Why do women have a choice in how will they look, in their sense of fashion, and personal bearing inside institutions like this, while men do not have?

Women have numerous lifestyle opportunities versus men. At present they have the option to work, stay at home as a housewife, stay home with children, work part time and care for children part time. While men, as dictated by traditions and norms, have no option but to work and provide for the family or else they’ll be branded as irresponsible husbands and fathers. Bearing that big responsibility men die on average 7 years earlier than women. Before the age of 65 they are three times as likely to suffer heart disease and twice as likely to die from lung cancer as women. Unfortunately, widows are able to claim bereavement benefit, but there is no equivalent benefit for widowers.

Male comfort rooms do not have much privacy because individual urinals are not provided with enough covers. Other urinals have no cover at all. Are women the only ones who do not want to be peep with? I firmly believe that men value the thing between their thighs as much as women do.

Feminists rallied because of a liquor billboard advertisement saying “nakatikim ka na ba ng kinse anyos?” They condemn the body painting made on 2010 Ms. Universe contestants saying that the act is a form of demoralizing the sanctity of women’s bodies. But no one reacted on a billboard advertisement for Lee jeans featuring a naked man lying on the floor. A woman wearing Lee jeans is shown with her stiletto above the man's buttocks. The caption reads "Put the boot in".

Beauty pageants for women like Ms. Earth, Ms. International, Ms. World and Ms. Universe are exceedingly publicized in all Medias while male pageants receive so little publicity. Why did we coin the name Mother Earth, Mother Nature and Motherland when in fact we could have used neutral names so as not to favor inequality between the two sexes? Do female basketball teams have escorts too? Or do female boxing or wrestling games has round boys too?

When it comes to the defense of the country, men are expected to sacrifice their lives for “kingdom and country”. During World War I and II billions of men died fighting for freedom and democracy. Now that everyone is fighting for the interests of equality is it not fair if we send women together with men into future battles?

This is not the first time feminists have asserted, in a sensitive dominion, that differences between the sexes are deceptive. A generation ago, they argued that differences in sexual attitudes and behavior were merely relics of cultural conditioning. They claimed that women were as good as men and they deserved the chance to prove it. And so is it not high time to allow all women to experience the responsibilities of men for them to fully understand the price of the equality they are seeking for.

I am not anti-feminism nor am I a sexist, what I am just trying to say is that men suffer discrimination as much as women do and that men maybe physically stronger than women but when it comes to discrimination, abuse and violence men are vulnerable too. Because when it comes to human rights violation, regardless of sex or sexual preference, everyone can be a victim.

In Lualhati Bautista’s novel Dekada 70 it says that we are living in a man’s world. But is it not ironic that in what they declare a man’s world so many rights of men are not being promoted, protected and fulfilled? If it is really a man’s world then why is there so called ladies first?

I am not asking that women should pay dowries too all I am asking is for the humanity to realize and understand that tough guys wear pink too and that real men do cry.